Nurse Stephanie
by Magdalync
Summary: The conclusion to the Maxim Online Survey 'trilogy'. Did Ranger kill Morelli? Where will he hide the body? Babe fic.


**A/N** The conclusion to what has become the Maxim Online Survey "trilogy". Despite the title, and much to Ranger's dismay, this is not porn.

Disclaimer: Not my Characters and not making money.

Nurse Stephanie

Hal had to pick me up since my self medicating cocktail had rendered me incapable of driving legally. Quite frankly, I was blubbering and sniveling so much, had I been completely sober, I would have been unable to drive anyway. As soon as the Explorer screeched to a stop in front of admitting, I grabbed my bag, slammed the car door and took off for the emergency entrance. Tank and Lester were leaning against the admissions desk looking scary and formidable in their urban commando fatigues and their arms crossed over their chests.

When he spotted me skidding in through the automatic sliding doors a la Kramer, Lester smirked at me.

"Take it down a notch, Bombshell, no one's on life support."

"What happened? Where are they? I think I'm going to throw up!"

Tank chuckled softly, stepped forward and pulled me into his massive chest. The mucus fairy always visits me when I cry so I pulled away as quickly as I could. I'm pretty sure I just wiped my nose on Tank's shirt, but I'm in shock so I think he'll forgive me. I took a deep breath and pulled myself back to look up at Tank.

"Where are they?"

"Boss is in bay 5. He just got out of x-ray. Morelli's down at ultrasound. They're checking for internal bleeding."

Holy cannoli. "Can I go see Ranger?"

"Affirmative. Boss told the nurse his wife was on her way."

"What?!"

"How else you think they're gonna let you back there?"

I headed down the hall to check on my pugilist faux husband. As I approached bay 5, I saw a nurse I didn't recognize from the Burg coming out. She was an attractive blond with her hair up in a French twist and she had a dreamy, hypnotic expression on her face, not unlike my expression when I'm looking at fresh éclairs. So deep was her trance, she nearly collided with me as she turned to close the curtain behind her.

Her face immediately reset itself into a scowl. She took in my hair and my sweats and seemed to shake her head in confusion. "Are you the wife?"

"Mmmm."

"Please don't over-tax Mr. Manoso. We can't give him anything for pain until all of his test results are in." That said, she turned crisply on her white easy spirits and stalked off to do important nursey stuff.

Ranger was lying still on the bed, eyes closed, and I stood at the entrance of the bay a moment to take him in. His shoulder length hair was loose and unkempt. He had the beginnings of a black eye and stitches starting high on the right side of his forehead and stopping just after it bisected his eyebrow. He had a sling holding his left arm close to his body. His eyes were closed but I could see barely suppressed tension around his mouth. There was bruising to the left side of his jaw and his lower lip had been split.

When I looked up at him again, I saw he was watching me through heavy lidded eyes. "Babe." He tried his patented smirk but stopped with a hiss when his lip cracked open again. "You should see the other guy."

I pulled the only chair in the bay up next to the bed and positioned it close to his head and sat down. "I'm so sorry."

He tried to shrug, but when the pain from his shoulder sliced through him he let out a muffled groan and closed his eyes again. "It was a long time coming."

"But it's totally my fault."

"No."

"How can you say that? If I hadn't sent the e-mail…"

"Babe. You haven't been the one poaching. I can assure you, had our roles been reversed, I would have done worse than a scuffle with Morelli."

If Morelli looked as bad, or worse, then Ranger, I would not classify the aforementioned incident as a scuffle. Melee comes to mind or perhaps smack down would be a better term, but I decided now was not the time to split hairs. I can be reasonable.

"But I let you poach. I've been horrible."

He impaled me with his eyes to make sure I was paying attention. "I'm not sorry for moving in on Morelli. I'm just sorry it came down like this."

I didn't know what to say to that. "So what's the damage?"

"I have a mild concussion, contusions on my face. Contusions on my torso, front and back. Obviously, I needed stitches. I have a bruised kidney. I'll be pissing blood for a few days. My left shoulder was dislocated and I have one cracked rib."

"So you needed more than a band aid."

"It's a two or three band aid kind of day, Babe."

"What about Joe?"

A look akin to pride shone in his eyes briefly and then he banked it. "I haven't had a chance to see his chart, but from what I could tell, he has a concussion as well. I broke his nose, split open his cheek, and I may have fractured his left wrist. No, I'm sure I fractured his left wrist. I think I broke more then one of his ribs and I assure you he will be pissing blood for a week."

"Ranger!"

"He didn't really want to talk."

I looked around the room for a while and settled on studying my cross trainers.

"Babe?"

"Huh?"

He reached out his right hand and held it palm up on the bed. I laced my fingers with his and after a moment, he squeezed my hand firmly within his.

"Are you with me now?"

I knew he had a head injury, but I was certain he wasn't talking about my physical location. Ranger says so little that you had to really pay attention to the weight of his words.

"Yes."

"Do you want to go check on Joe?"

"Do you mind?"

"Yes, but I know it's something you need to do."

I went back to admitting, found Costanza, and got Joe's bay number from him. There were a few other cops standing around him studying a small, black note book and from the angle I was standing, I could see names, dollar amounts and dates. Two cops were peeling out cash from their wallets. Somehow, I don't think they were taking up a collection for flowers.

Joe's bay was at the opposite end of the corridor and I nearly knocked down the same friggin' nurse that had been tending to Ranger. She arched her brow at me.

"I'm his wife."

"What about Mr. Manoso?"

"We're from Utah."

"Explains the hair."

Uhn!

I brushed past her and jerked the curtain closed behind me. Joe looked slightly worse than Ranger. His right eye was swollen shut and he had stitches running from his cheekbone up to his ear. His left hand was in a splint and his nose had been taped.

He looked up at me and I was surprised to see the expression in his eyes. Or should I say, eye. I had expected rage, maybe betrayal or sadness. What I saw was resignation.

I pulled up a chair. "Joe."

"Cupcake."

"I'm…I'm so sorry."

He shifted stiffly, winced, and settled back again. "I'm a big boy. You didn't make me go to Haywood."

"That's not what I mean."

"I know."

Neither of us said anything for the longest time. His eyes were closed when he finally said, "It is what it is. I just wish you had told me."

"Would you really have wanted to know? Because we have been on a lot of breaks over the years and I'm sure you weren't a monk during all of them."

"No."

"So…"

"Somehow I have the feeling that this _thing_ with you and Manoso was more then just scratching an itch."

I had nothing to say to that. It was true, and I wasn't denying it, but somehow I doubted Joe really wanted true confessions right now.

"I'm not stupid, Stephanie. I see how he looks at you. The man has given you a Porsche and never blinked an eye when it was destroyed. I've seen his car parked in your lot overnight. I know about the alley."

"What?!"

He shrugged a little and winced again. "I decided not to say anything. I know the parameters of our relationship were never clearly defined. I also know that you would never sleep with somebody else while you were sleeping with me." He stopped and compressed his lips together for a moment. "I should say, I know you would never have sex with someone else while you were having sex with me. I hate to admit I was afraid if I called you out on it…we'd be where we are now."

"But why did you have to…"

"You have to ask?"

We were silent again. An orderly bustled in and started unlocking the wheels on the bed explaining that he was taking him to get a cast on his arm.

Joe shot a wry grin at me and said, "At least he had the consideration to leave my gun hand alone."

I gave him a sad smile.

Just as the orderly started wheeling his bed from the bay, Joe stopped him and looked back at me. "So you're with him now?"

I gave him a short nod.

"Thanks for checking on me, Cupcake."

A few hours later I rode with Tank and Ranger back to the RangeMan building. I spent the remainder of the miserable night on the seventh floor. How could a night in Ranger's apartment be miserable, you ask? Ranger does not do pain meds, and Ranger does not like being woken up every two hours unless it's for sex. He very clearly told me that when I woke him at 4:00 A.M. I was finally able to convince him to take a Percocet at 8:00 the next morning and returned to my apartment after giving Tank instructions to have someone check on him throughout the day. I needed to feed Rex, take a shower and catch up on some sleep.

I checked my answering machine and I had 27 messages. I pressed 'delete' 27 times and disconnected the phone. After taking care of Rex, I went and took a shower, put on fresh sweats and sat down at my computer to IM Connie at the bonds office to let her know I wouldn't be by today. I frowned at the screen when I saw an incoming message for me.

RNG: babe?

PLM: You should be resting.

RNG: why aren't you here?

PLM: You should be resting. And I had to feed Rex. I'll come over later.

RNG: i want you here now.

PLM: You'll be fine.

RNG: but I have pain and swelling.

PLM: There's nothing I can do about that.

RNG: you've managed this kind of pain and swelling for me before.

PLM: Are you kidding me?

RNG: you're not going to address this matter?

PLM: I'll leave the matter in your hands. Or hand. You know, by yourself.

RNG: kinky. why don't you start by telling me what you're wearing and go from there. it should only take me a few minutes.

PLM: What's the matter with you?

RNG: i'm on percocet.

PLM: And that makes you horny?

RNG: babe, if you're not going to do anything about it, i'd rather discuss your methods for administering medication.

PLM: You weren't cooperating.

RNG: babe, you put me in a half nelson, pinched my nostrils shut and blew in my face.

PLM: It's a medically endorsed method for persuading uncooperative patients to swallow pills.

RNG: what medical establishment condones this maneuver?

PLM: The American Academy of Veterinary Medicine.

RNG: you've done this to a hamster?

PLM: No, Bob.

RNG: i'm starting a list of behavioral infractions. you will be dealt with later. and hard.

PLM: Yeesh. What's with the all smalls?

RNG: excuse me? there isn't _anything_ about me that's small.

PLM: You're not capitalizing where necessary.

RNG: my left arm's in a sling. too much work to hit the shift key.

PLM: But you're using apostrophes and question marks.

RNG: apostrophe is right above the shift key. question mark to the left. piece of cake. do all smalls bother you?

PLM: It's just very unRanger-like.

RNG: WOULD YOU PREFER THIS?

PLM: Don't yell at me.

RNG: I'M NOT YELLING.

PLM: I've got to tell you, I'm not a big fan of Percocet Ranger.

RNG: which ranger would you prefer?

PLM: Let's see. There's Mercenary Ranger, Thug Ranger, Business Ranger…oooh, remember Abercrombie Ranger?

RNG: you thought he was _cute_.

PLM: Hey, there! You italicized. That must have taken some effort!

RNG: you're baiting me. that's going on your list of infractions. back to abercrombie ranger. what's up with that?

PLM: It's how I see you in college. It makes me feel collegiate. You know us college girls. We like to party. We're a wily, experimental bunch.

RNG: good girl. i see where you're going with this. i'm erasing one of your infractions now. want to hear about my favorite stephanies?

PLM: Errr…

RNG: there's dominatrix stephanie…

PLM: What?! I never-"

RNG: scrog.

PLM: Freak.

RNG: you're back to two infractions. there's catholic school girl stephanie…

PLM: When did that happen?

RNG: these are fantasy stephanies. I have tried very hard to work these into distraction jobs but it never panned out.

PLM: You're scarring me. Were you breast fed as a baby? Punished by nuns as a child?

RNG: then there's librarian stephanie. we'll need to get you some glasses for that. cheerleader stephanie would be fun. one of my favorites would be naked stephanie. i know you're modest… you can wear a belly ring.

PLM: I'm not pierced.

RNG: yet.

PLM: Are we almost done here?

RNG: right now I'd like to see nurse stephanie.

PLM: If I come over, will you erase an infraction?

RNG: of course, babe.

PLM: I need to dry my hair. I'm just coming over to sleep. I'm tired, you're injured and I'm not dealing with any pain and swelling right now.

RNG: babe?

PLM:Hmmm?

RNG: nurse stephanie wears a lime green thong.

**A/N** I've never actually used instant messaging so if any details regarding the functions available while IMing are unrealistic or impossible, you'll have to chalk it up to creative license!


End file.
